Cute Canadian Clowns vs. Evil Hippy Clowns

Sphere Clown Band
“I Can Do Anything”
1983, One Eyed Duck (Canada)

sphere

For Hire

The Klowns
“The Ringling Bros. & Barnum & Bailey Klowns”
1970, RCA #LSP-4438

klownsLotta

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Goin off the Rail on a Craz Trai

Ozz
“No Prisoners”
1980, Epic # NJE 36198

Ozz – Potential rock and roll superstars doomed by the album cover design department. No self-respecting 80′s rocker would be caught dead buying an album with this cover photo.  It  looks like the dude snuck up on stage during an Earth, Wind, & Fire Show in a circus tent.

The music is actually not bad.  A bit dated, but certainly not what you’d expect from the cover.  Apparently, modern metalheads have come to consider this album a bit of a “lost gem”.  Check it out:

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What about soccer??

All Sports Band
s/t
Radio Records / Atlantic #RR19321
1981

Finally, here’s a record that reminds me of why I got into collecting bizarre records to begin with!  A completely fabricated, major-label group specifically designed to cash in on the 80′s teen fad of… sports.

All Sports Band

All the top American sports of the day are represented.  Car racing, from before car racers were rednecks.  Baseball, from the days when baseball players were skinny and doing coke instead of steroids.  Football, because he’s the black guy.  Boxing, because he’s not wearing a shirt.  And of course, karate, the king of all 1980′s sports.

Here’s a vid of Dick Clark talking with the band on American Bandstand.  Apparently the actual musical performance was just too valuable to post on Youtube.

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No, Apple, you did not invent the word “App”


Jack Benny and Friends
“Music to Write Apps By”
1960, State Farm Insurance Records #L8OP0956

Yes, people were using “apps” as an abbreviation for “applications” at least 50 years ago… as they were being driven around town in model-T’s by their negro chauffeurs.

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Bring Me Men

The USAF Academy Concert Band & Cadet Chorale
“Bring Me Men”
US Air Force Acadamy

I think these guys need to go on a Bone Voyage.

 

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Cash or Charge?

Continental Oil Company
“Charge!  1966 Sales Program”
1966, Conoco

“Here comes the crusty, hard-as-nails Old Trooper and his dedicated horse Reveille riding hard out of Fort Conoco to bring you the news of Conoco’s 1966 Sales Program.  The Old Trooper is a new symbol that embodies the aggressive spirit and bold new challenge to the petroleum market place.  He’s the leader of the ‘espirit de corps’ for Conoco sales people everywhere.  You’ll see him often in 1966.  Listen to his words of wisdom as he calls the troops together to whip up enthusiasm for the new year.  Jump into the spirit of his challenging call to arms… CHARGE!”

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Barroom Stories #3: fake barroom edition

Hickory
“Whiskey Woman”
Country Kitchen #2010

The cover of Hickory’s album appears to have been taken at one of those old timey carnival shooting galleries (notice the fake bottles and colored targets).  Since the band is from Houston, it was probably at Astroworld.  (Aaaand, confirmation:)

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Barroom Stories #2, BBQ edition

Patsy Silver
“Roll Call”
1980. RLA Coastal #81480

I guess THIS is the place: Lou’s Saloon, Corpus Christi TX

And Patsy is leader of Western New York’s Hardest Rockingest band, Silver Xtreme! (WARNING! Hilariously Awesome Website!)

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Barroom Encounters #1: Cowboy edition


Gentle Ben featuring Sonja
“Barroom Stories”
Jewel #81063

This cover has it all.  Literally.  Rainbow suspenders, fringe vests covered in feathers, light beer, cheap cowboy hats, and a giant freaking head of hair.

It does fondly remind me of one of the BizarreRecords classics, however:

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Tears of a Rodeo Clown

The Eastham Band
“Texas Prison Rodeo Presents: Behind the Walls”
1977, HER-A-IV

From the liner notes:

The colorful history of the Texas Prison Rodeo dates from 1931.  The Rodeo has been held each year, except during the 1943, when no Rodeo was held because of the war.  Each year it gets bigger and better. 

Dr. Harley Rex has been directing the Rodeo Band since 1964, and since that time, the music program has been incorporated into the Wyndham School District.  This year, Dr. Rex’s music directors on the various units have won national honors in several contests….  The Eastham Band and Choir, directed by Gene Ronsonette, received the Sweepstakes Award.  The Louisiana Pacific Corporation sponsored this Nation-wide contest and the judges stated that “our presentation showed the epic struggle of the Blacks and Spanish in an attempt to find their place in American Society.”

  Torn down.

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