Bizarre Records

Nonc Helaire

“Censored Cajun Tales… For Koonasses Only vol. 2″
Swallow #7002

From the Back Cover:

“Old Uncle Hilaire (sic) recalls several leg-slapping tales he heard behind the barn in the days when you didn’t have to walk on a broken bottle to get cut! Those were the good old days when the best in petits contes canailles were told in whispers behind the old barn, where kids and women were banned.”

“For Coonasses Only (excerpt)“:

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Helaire, aka Milton Landry, now lives in Lake Charles, LA.

“Sebastian Speaks! Your Watchdog on A Disc”

Grr-r-records
1980

“sebastian speaks!”:

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“Fox, Coyote, Cat: Calling Instructions with Actual Rabbit Squeals”
Burnham Bros. #201

” Introduction”:

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“Actual Distress Calls of a Baby Cottontail”
Johnny Stewart Wildlife Calls #GC-102

“

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“:

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“Meadow Lark: Distress Cry”
Johnny Stewart Wildlife Calls #GC-104

Still Torturing Animals!

Big Jake

“Calls the Waders”
Millstream (UK) # SRTX/80/CUS598

Big Jake “Introduction”

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Selected Track Titles

Oystercatcher
Stone Curlew
Kentish Plover
Temminck’s Stint
Bar-Tailed Godwit
Conclusion

Mike Adkins

“Thank You For the Dove”
MA #1061

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I hope this guy doesn’t work for the “distress cry” company…

“Slenderide: Sound Exercise Program”
#SL-3736

“slenderide“

Steve Linnegar
Narrated by Mike Faure
Music By Snakeshed
“Karate Moves: The Mystical World of Karate”
GNP Crescendo #GNPS 2176
1985

From the Back Cover:
This record is a vivid audio documentary on the mystical world of karate. It is a revelation to the layman and a great motivating vehicle to the karate student!

“The KIA Scream”:

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 ”Karate Moves” / “In The Wind” (excerpt)

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Sharron L. Lucky
“Carpet Square”
Melody House #31

“The Carpet Twist”:

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From the Back Cover:
“The student will find the short nap carpet easier to use in doing the carpet square activities. Shag carpet is not recommended.”

Thomas Moore
“Sings The Family”

This is a repost from an archived BizarreRecords blog
There’s a thrift store I go to that always has tons of Children’s records. Especially those newer 80s-90s ones with lots of dull songs about obeying your parents and respecting other cultures. I usually only buy them if there’s something unusual there, like maybe a song about how to pee or perhaps a cover of “I Am the Walrus”. Anyway, there were several records (all signed on the back) by a guy named Thomas Moore… The others were slickly-made things with the usual themes about exercise and hygiene, but one stood out for its craptacular home-made cover consisting entirely of ball-point pen X’s. A friend was over inspecting my day’s finds, and she said “I wanna listen to this one.” Putting the German disco records aside, I put on “Thomas Moore sings The Family”. Holy crap.

“Don’t Feel Sad”

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Basically, it’s “Don’t feel sad, if you’re whole family is dead.” I suppose its not the message that’s bad (unlike the singing, songwriting, and piano)… But it is a bit shocking right off the bat. Other songs include “The New Baby At My House”, “Look What I did This Morning”, “I Get Mad”:

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, and “I’m a Special Kid”. My favorite however has to be “The Family Jog”

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… Perhaps the greatest ode to jogging ever performed. Or the only one.

So I immediately went back today to get the other records. They don’t seem to be quite as crazy as “The Family”, but there are some good songs like “I Like Water”

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and “Bus Driver”

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Mr. Moore, according to the liner notes, holds college degree in music, and a Ph.D. in child development. He has been an Education professor, and apparently now is an education columnist for the Charlotte Observer.

These recordings are available on CD (and cassette, wouldn’t you know) from Dr. Moore’s website.